Funny!

In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey as comfortable as possible.

They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The frail old Nun drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"
She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:"

Whatever you do, DON'T SELL THAT COW."
 
An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.


His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:


Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Dad


A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
 
A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales, So he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon a local redneck pulled in filled his tank, and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from one to ten, and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed eight, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was seven. Sorry. No sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up, and again, he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed “two” this time.
The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was three. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No, it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My sister won twice last week!”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom