Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
After service one Sunday, and usher comes up to the Pastor. “I think there’s something wrong. There was an envelope in the offerings with $5,000 in it.”
The pastor says they will deal with it.
Next Sunday, during the offering, the pastor watches carefully and sees a sweet little old lady put a big envelope in the basket.
After the service, the pastor gets the lady off to the side. “I wanted to thank you for your kind donations to the church, but are you sure you can afford it? This is not known to be a wealthy neighborhood.”
The lady smiled and replied, “Don’t worry about it. My son is a veterinarian and sends me money each week and it’s more than I know what to do with, so I figured I would donate it to the church.”
The pastor looks shocked at this. “He must be a very successful veterinarian to send you so much.”
The lady smiled and nodded. “Yes, he is very successful. He has a cat house in Reno and another cat house in Las Vegas.”
The pastor says they will deal with it.
Next Sunday, during the offering, the pastor watches carefully and sees a sweet little old lady put a big envelope in the basket.
After the service, the pastor gets the lady off to the side. “I wanted to thank you for your kind donations to the church, but are you sure you can afford it? This is not known to be a wealthy neighborhood.”
The lady smiled and replied, “Don’t worry about it. My son is a veterinarian and sends me money each week and it’s more than I know what to do with, so I figured I would donate it to the church.”
The pastor looks shocked at this. “He must be a very successful veterinarian to send you so much.”
The lady smiled and nodded. “Yes, he is very successful. He has a cat house in Reno and another cat house in Las Vegas.”
Hmmm...! Seeing this makes me wonder.... I alcohol is fermented sugars, then why not try to ferment Coca Cola?
because its easier to just add rum directly to the Coke and save all the time required for fermentation to complete.
There are some really good insights here....
Student is a lot smarter than the teacherThere are some really good insights here....
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.
"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. "Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."
"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.
"How do you figure?" asked John.
"Well, John - you know my 'ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!
But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."
"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you.
"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. "Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."
"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.
"How do you figure?" asked John.
"Well, John - you know my 'ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!
But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."
"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately noticed a large, beautiful parrot. On the cage, there was a price tag that said 9.99.
Her curiosity was piqued by the unusually low price, “Why so little?” she asked the pet shop owner.
The owner looked at the woman and said, “Look lady! I should tell you upfront that this bird was raised in a house of prostitution, and sometimes, he says some very vulgar things.”
His warning only piqued the woman’s curiosity. She slowly circles the cage, pondering and decided it would be fun to have this bird. She bought it, took it home, hung the cage in the living room, and waited for the bird to say something.
The bird, seemingly aware of its new surroundings, looked around the room, then at the woman and said, “New house! New madam!”
The woman was a little shocked at the implication but then thought, “That is really not so bad.”
After a while, her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, “New house! New madam! New girls!”
The girls and the woman were initially offended, but then they laughed at the situation, considering where and how the parrot was raised.
A few hours later, the woman’s husband, Keith, came home from work. The parrot looked at him and excitedly said, “Hello Keith! Long time no see. But welcome to my new home.”
Her curiosity was piqued by the unusually low price, “Why so little?” she asked the pet shop owner.
The owner looked at the woman and said, “Look lady! I should tell you upfront that this bird was raised in a house of prostitution, and sometimes, he says some very vulgar things.”
His warning only piqued the woman’s curiosity. She slowly circles the cage, pondering and decided it would be fun to have this bird. She bought it, took it home, hung the cage in the living room, and waited for the bird to say something.
The bird, seemingly aware of its new surroundings, looked around the room, then at the woman and said, “New house! New madam!”
The woman was a little shocked at the implication but then thought, “That is really not so bad.”
After a while, her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, “New house! New madam! New girls!”
The girls and the woman were initially offended, but then they laughed at the situation, considering where and how the parrot was raised.
A few hours later, the woman’s husband, Keith, came home from work. The parrot looked at him and excitedly said, “Hello Keith! Long time no see. But welcome to my new home.”
No mostly about it, its ALL twisted.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
Best way to keep your mooching roommates out of your Peanut butter or Jam jars