Funny!

ST1100Y said:
Hope you'll get the executive package featuring a rear window heater... so you won't freeze your hands off when having to push it... (old Yugo proverb...)

Back in the day I successfully defended my trusty Toyota against being replaced with an A4 Avant...
Guess what: the '96 Toyota is still running perfectly...
Click to expand...
A friend way back in college had a Yugo, by the time graduation neared, the paint had faded to the point it was pointless polish it anymore. The timing belt broke so I offered to replace it, I had all the metric tools so, why not? Had to pull the engine up over two feet to get the belt cover off....sideways engine/fwd. I hitched a ride to classes on day since my car was in the shop.....the back seat back exploded, literally, and it snowed thousands of tiny foam bits all over the interior...it was a near 100F day.
I very quickly scrubbed Yugo off my list.
 
In class, one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said,

"Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.

"Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was,

'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."

"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."

"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?'

Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."

"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.

"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'

Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'.
 
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!"

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of the story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
 
docw1 said:
In class, one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said,

"Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.

"Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was,

'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."

"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."

"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?'

Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."

"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.

"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'

Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'.
Click to expand...
One of my students would, on exams, write her math solutions at about a 30 degree angle sloping up from left to right. Have no idea why. She was in two of my classes. Second class, the guy next to her obviously copied......including the slant.
 
Oldbikefixr said:
One of my students would, on exams, write her math solutions at about a 30 degree angle sloping up from left to right. Have no idea why. She was in two of my classes. Second class, the guy next to her obviously copied......including the slant.
Click to expand...
I used to know a girl who showed me how she cheated on her exams in university. She painstakingly wrote formulae on the back of a wooden ruler with a needle in the tiniest size possible then rubbed cigarette ash over it. Monitors walking by couldn't see anything but she could from a few inches away: they would only see a dirty old ruler.
She went on to be a successful head and neck surgeon.
I won't get into who what she did in med school to pass... there was a scandal which was quickly hushed up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom