Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
... pfffff ...
Me on site, residential home under refurbishment (we're responsible for installing A/C), female future inhabitant must inspect the progress, with her ~2 year old toddler aside, so not really smart to begin with, this is a construction site, open floors, scaffolding, hardhats, safety boots, etc ...
Upon approaching the entrance, she spots a pencil and several sheets of drywall the interior makers had placed there, grabs the pencil and shows the kid
"...here, look how you can draw on the walls with this..."
Me going by mumbling "ouch... not a bright idea..."
she gives me an indignant "And why?"...
I elaborate: "... right so when he's 12 he'll deface other's property like subway cars with graffiti?! ..." went around the corner, continued commissioning the condensing unit...
Perhaps we could interest them in some sort of exchange program....two of ours for a couple of theirs?
scootac
Will Ride for Food
I call bullshit.
Production never gets an increase when retail jacks the price up.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
The family has gathered to celebrate wheelchair-bound Granny’s 90th birthday. Alice sees the old lady slumped forward and rushes over to set her upright. A little while later Jack sees Granny leaning precariously to the left, so he gallantly sits her up again.
Harold, Granny’s favourite grandson arrives late and goes straight over to the old woman, takes her in his arms, lifting her slightly as he does so and kissing her on the mouth. “I love you, Granny.” He says softly.
Granny sighs deeply and says: “I’m so glad you’re here, Harry darling! The other bastards wouldn’t let me fart!”
Harold, Granny’s favourite grandson arrives late and goes straight over to the old woman, takes her in his arms, lifting her slightly as he does so and kissing her on the mouth. “I love you, Granny.” He says softly.
Granny sighs deeply and says: “I’m so glad you’re here, Harry darling! The other bastards wouldn’t let me fart!”
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
Did you hear about the Rabbi (or doctor if you prefer) who didn't charge for performing circumcisions?
He just took tips.
Not only that, he collected and sewed the foreskins together and made wallets out of them.
If you rub one, it becomes a suitcase.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
There were some hikers in Yellowstone National Park receiving instruction from a park ranger. They asked the ranger about the dangers they would face from bears. The ranger told them that there was not much danger from bears, but that each of them should carry a can of bear spray and some silver bells.
The ranger said that most people get in trouble with bears because the bears don't hear them until they are very close and then feel threatened, and attack out of fear. The ranger said that if they come across fresh bear sign, they should jiggle the silver bells to alert the bear to their presence. The ranger said that if the bells fail at scaring the bear off, they should stand their ground and spray the bear with the bear spray if it gets too close.
The ranger said that it was important to identify what type of bear they were dealing with by examining their dropping (poop). He told them that a black bear’s droppings will have berries and twigs in it. A brown bear’s droppings will have fish bones in it.
The ranger concluded his instructions and turned to leave, but one of the hikers stopped the ranger and said, “Hey! You didn’t tell us how to identify grizzly bear poop.” The ranger stopped and casually said, “Grizzly bear poop is the easiest of all to identify. It will have silver bells and cans of bear spray in it!”
The ranger said that most people get in trouble with bears because the bears don't hear them until they are very close and then feel threatened, and attack out of fear. The ranger said that if they come across fresh bear sign, they should jiggle the silver bells to alert the bear to their presence. The ranger said that if the bells fail at scaring the bear off, they should stand their ground and spray the bear with the bear spray if it gets too close.
The ranger said that it was important to identify what type of bear they were dealing with by examining their dropping (poop). He told them that a black bear’s droppings will have berries and twigs in it. A brown bear’s droppings will have fish bones in it.
The ranger concluded his instructions and turned to leave, but one of the hikers stopped the ranger and said, “Hey! You didn’t tell us how to identify grizzly bear poop.” The ranger stopped and casually said, “Grizzly bear poop is the easiest of all to identify. It will have silver bells and cans of bear spray in it!”
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
bdalameda
PaleoCyclist
My wife and I were hiking in Yellowstone a number of years ago and were quite far out in an area called Rescue Creek when we were met on the trail by a Ranger. Of course we had our walking sticks with little bells on them and were equipped with cans of bear spray. He asked us if we knew how to tell the difference between Grizzly bear skat and black bear scat. With a smile he told us if the scat had little bells in it it was Grizzly scat.