Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
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Bill Rankin
An elderly man owned a large farm for several years and he had a large pond on the far end of his property. It was proprly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond since he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a big white bucket to bring back some fruit before starting the long walk to the remote area.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughng with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was several young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
Some old men can still think fast.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond since he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a big white bucket to bring back some fruit before starting the long walk to the remote area.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughng with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was several young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
Some old men can still think fast.
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docw1
Bill Rankin
Cat proof xmass tree! 
the Ferret
Daily rider since May 1965
An 80 year old MN farmer goes to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'
"I'm a Minnesota farmer, and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish," says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight milking cows and farming and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'
"Well" says the Doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. "How old was your Father when he died?"
'Who said my Father's dead?'
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says the old farmer. 'In fact he works with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer, and that's why he's still alive. He's a Minnesota farmer and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'
'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the man
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'
'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would an 118 year-old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'
"I'm a Minnesota farmer, and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish," says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight milking cows and farming and when I'm not doing that, I'm out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'
"Well" says the Doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. "How old was your Father when he died?"
'Who said my Father's dead?'
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says the old farmer. 'In fact he works with and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer, and that's why he's still alive. He's a Minnesota farmer and he's a hunter and fisherman too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'
'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still alive?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the man
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?'
'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would an 118 year-old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'
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docw1
Bill Rankin
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Bill Rankin
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Bill Rankin
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docw1
Bill Rankin
A doctor phones his patient and says that he has the results back from the lab.;
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“Give me the good news first.”
“The tests say that you’ve only got 24 hours to live.”
“WHAT?? That’s the good news? What could possibly be worse than that?”
“I couldn’t get a hold of you yesterday.”
Two lawyers are walking down the street and a good looking woman passes by the other direction.
They pause to admire and one lawyer says “man I’d love to screw her”.
The other lawyer says “out of what?”
“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“Give me the good news first.”
“The tests say that you’ve only got 24 hours to live.”
“WHAT?? That’s the good news? What could possibly be worse than that?”
“I couldn’t get a hold of you yesterday.”
Two lawyers are walking down the street and a good looking woman passes by the other direction.
They pause to admire and one lawyer says “man I’d love to screw her”.
The other lawyer says “out of what?”
