Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
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docw1
Bill Rankin
OP
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docw1
Bill Rankin
After service one Sunday, and usher comes up to the Pastor. “I think there’s something wrong. There was an envelope in the offerings with $5,000 in it.”
The pastor says they will deal with it.
Next Sunday, during the offering, the pastor watches carefully and sees a sweet little old lady put a big envelope in the basket.
After the service, the pastor gets the lady off to the side. “I wanted to thank you for your kind donations to the church, but are you sure you can afford it? This is not known to be a wealthy neighborhood.”
The lady smiled and replied, “Don’t worry about it. My son is a veterinarian and sends me money each week and it’s more than I know what to do with, so I figured I would donate it to the church.”
The pastor looks shocked at this. “He must be a very successful veterinarian to send you so much.”
The lady smiled and nodded. “Yes, he is very successful. He has a cat house in Reno and another cat house in Las Vegas.”
The pastor says they will deal with it.
Next Sunday, during the offering, the pastor watches carefully and sees a sweet little old lady put a big envelope in the basket.
After the service, the pastor gets the lady off to the side. “I wanted to thank you for your kind donations to the church, but are you sure you can afford it? This is not known to be a wealthy neighborhood.”
The lady smiled and replied, “Don’t worry about it. My son is a veterinarian and sends me money each week and it’s more than I know what to do with, so I figured I would donate it to the church.”
The pastor looks shocked at this. “He must be a very successful veterinarian to send you so much.”
The lady smiled and nodded. “Yes, he is very successful. He has a cat house in Reno and another cat house in Las Vegas.”
OP
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docw1
Bill Rankin
A woman buys a parrot from a dockside pub and when she gets it home, it won't stop swearing at her. So her husband went to see the landlord to see if he had any ideas...
"Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes" he says, "it doesn't like the cold"
So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door...
...quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there's the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it's beak has gone blue...
"Now are you going to behave yourself now?" says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it's head..
"No more swearing OK ?" the parrot nods it's agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.
...he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear...
"What the f**k did that chicken do ?”
"Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes" he says, "it doesn't like the cold"
So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door...
...quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there's the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it's beak has gone blue...
"Now are you going to behave yourself now?" says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it's head..
"No more swearing OK ?" the parrot nods it's agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.
...he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear...
"What the f**k did that chicken do ?”
My obese parrot died the other day.
To be honest, it was a weight off my shoulder.
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docw1
Bill Rankin
Avatar photo checks out
I was just thinking that.
