Funny!
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ST1100Y
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Old but still makes me chuckle...
ST1100Y
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Different venue...
downtown, pedestrian zone, wearing work-dress and white construction site helmets, big rolls of blueprints under the armpit we circle around an outdoor coffee and dining area full of patrons, waving arms and indicating outlines...
See! That all has to go! From here, to there! How fast can you bring the excavator? 20 minutes? Great! Shoo people, we've to dig this place up...
docw1
Bill Rankin
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
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Pop-Pop
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Pop-Pop
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Halloween candy.
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docw1
Bill Rankin
We were camping one time. While sitting outside at our friends site a big ole bear walked through our site. A little while later a lady walks up and asks if we had seen her little dog. We told her no but we had seen a bear. She started crying.
Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canucks!
docw1
Bill Rankin
A group of doctors decide to go on their first duck hunting trip.
While in the blind, a flock of birds fly over head. The psychiatrist jumps up and his fellow doctors yell for him to shoot. He says, “I know they’re ducks, but do they know they’re ducks?”
Later another flock flies over and the internist jumps up. They yell for him to shoot, but he says, “They probably are ducks but I can’t rule out the possibility of whooping cranes or passenger pigeons.”
Yet another flock comes overhead. The radiologist jumps up and his friends yell for him to shoot, but he says, “I think they’re ducks, but a need a few more views to be certain.”
Finally, another flock comes over. Before anyone can say a word, the surgeon jumps up, fires away, birds are falling everywhere. He then turns to the pathologist and says, “Make sure those birds are ducks.”
While in the blind, a flock of birds fly over head. The psychiatrist jumps up and his fellow doctors yell for him to shoot. He says, “I know they’re ducks, but do they know they’re ducks?”
Later another flock flies over and the internist jumps up. They yell for him to shoot, but he says, “They probably are ducks but I can’t rule out the possibility of whooping cranes or passenger pigeons.”
Yet another flock comes overhead. The radiologist jumps up and his friends yell for him to shoot, but he says, “I think they’re ducks, but a need a few more views to be certain.”
Finally, another flock comes over. Before anyone can say a word, the surgeon jumps up, fires away, birds are falling everywhere. He then turns to the pathologist and says, “Make sure those birds are ducks.”
docw1
Bill Rankin
Get ready for a couple of real groaners!
A wealthy Chinese Merchant named Chan was immensely proud of his collection of Teakwood carvings. One day as he was admiring his collection, he noticed to his horror that one was missing. A few days later another one turned up missing. So he laid a trap for the thief. He sprinkled powder on the floor to catch the thief”s footprints. Sure enough another teak wood carving turns up missing and he sees the footprints of a small child. So he figures, it's only a kid, I don't need the police for this, so that night he hides and waits for the thief. Sure enough that night someone enters the room and Chan sees to his amazement that it's not a little boy at all, but a bear with odd shaped feet. And the Bear reaches into the collection and takes one of the pieces. Chan by this time is beside himself with rage. He jumps out and shouts, “Where are you going, boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan?
—————-
For the French speakers in the audience, at least those who can count to five in French. A man had two cats. One was named One Two Three, and the other was named Un Deux Trois. He took them to the park one day and rented a rowboat and took them out for a ride. But a bigger boat came by and swamped the rowboat in its wake. The man and the One Two Three cat made it safely to shore, but the Un Deux Trois cat sank
A wealthy Chinese Merchant named Chan was immensely proud of his collection of Teakwood carvings. One day as he was admiring his collection, he noticed to his horror that one was missing. A few days later another one turned up missing. So he laid a trap for the thief. He sprinkled powder on the floor to catch the thief”s footprints. Sure enough another teak wood carving turns up missing and he sees the footprints of a small child. So he figures, it's only a kid, I don't need the police for this, so that night he hides and waits for the thief. Sure enough that night someone enters the room and Chan sees to his amazement that it's not a little boy at all, but a bear with odd shaped feet. And the Bear reaches into the collection and takes one of the pieces. Chan by this time is beside himself with rage. He jumps out and shouts, “Where are you going, boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan?
—————-
For the French speakers in the audience, at least those who can count to five in French. A man had two cats. One was named One Two Three, and the other was named Un Deux Trois. He took them to the park one day and rented a rowboat and took them out for a ride. But a bigger boat came by and swamped the rowboat in its wake. The man and the One Two Three cat made it safely to shore, but the Un Deux Trois cat sank
I don't know it, but I'm guessing the original line is "Where are you going, barefoot boy with cheeks of tan?"
Yes, this one deserves a
docw1
Bill Rankin
I don't know it, but I'm guessing the original line is "Where are you going, barefoot boy with cheeks of tan?"
Yes, this one deserves a
The Barefoot Boy
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I may suggest my wife sub a can of bear spray for her pepper spray, though.But how about the other bears? Since the stuff is universally recommended for hiking in bear country i think we can have a few angry bears.
docw1
Bill Rankin
A young guy met a stunning woman and they agreed to spend the night together for $600.
They had a good time.
Before he left, he told her he didn’t have any cash on him, but he’d have his assistant send her a check, labeling it "RENT FOR A CONDO."
On his way to the office, he started feeling like the night wasn’t worth the $600, so he had his assistant send her a check for only $300, along with a note that said:
Dear Miss,
Enclosed is a check for $300 for the rental of your condo.
I'm sending less than agreed because I felt misled. When I rented the place, I expected:
Dear Sir,
First, I don’t understand how you expect such a lovely condo to remain unoccupied forever.
Second, the heat works perfectly if you know how to turn it on.
Lastly, the space is standard size—if you don’t have enough to fill it, that’s on you, not the landlord!
They had a good time.
Before he left, he told her he didn’t have any cash on him, but he’d have his assistant send her a check, labeling it "RENT FOR A CONDO."
On his way to the office, he started feeling like the night wasn’t worth the $600, so he had his assistant send her a check for only $300, along with a note that said:
Dear Miss,
Enclosed is a check for $300 for the rental of your condo.
I'm sending less than agreed because I felt misled. When I rented the place, I expected:
- It had never been lived in before.
- It would be warm and cozy.
- It would be the right size to make me feel comfortable.
- However, I found it had been used before, there was no warmth, and it felt way too big.
Dear Sir,
First, I don’t understand how you expect such a lovely condo to remain unoccupied forever.
Second, the heat works perfectly if you know how to turn it on.
Lastly, the space is standard size—if you don’t have enough to fill it, that’s on you, not the landlord!
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
Methinks I been there & did that road... 
Methinks I been there & did that road...
