Funny!

3 guys died and went to heaven. Gatekeeper tells them they need a vehicle to get around. He’ll ask them a question and their answer will determine which vehicle they will get.To the first guy, “Did you ever cheat on your wife”

“No sir, I did not. married a wonderful woman. Married for 65 years. Never thought to cheat. Totally happy. I would never do that. I was the luckiest guy around”

“That’s great…you can have a Rolls Royce.”

He gets in his car and drives off.

Asks the 2nd guy, “did you ever cheat on your wife”?

“Well, I was in the war. I got lonely. I sought companionship. I told my wife. She forgave me and I never did it again. But, this is heaven and I can’t lie…yes…I did cheat…ONCE”

“Sorry..a sin is a sin. You can have a Chevette (hey…it’s an old joke). Guy gets in his car and drives off

3rd guy. Same question.

“Absolutely. I was a traveling salesman. Had a lady in every city. Married for almost 60 years. My wife never suspected a thing. Worked up until my dying day. Cheated all the time and I would do it again.”

Gate keeper is upset. Here, you can have a 10-speed bike and be grateful you got that.

Gets on his bike and starts to peddle down the road. Get a couple hundred yards and sees the 1st guy is pulled over, crying on his steering wheel.

“He Buddy, what are you crying about, you have the best vehicle of all of us”

1st guy picks his head up…sobs a bit…”yeah, I know, but my wife just passed me on roller skates”
 
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the sh** out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
 
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home.”
 
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