Funny!

[SMSW]

 

[SMSW]

 

[SMSW]

 

[docw1]

 

[Larry Fine]

 

[Fawlty]

 

[MaxPete]

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.' The second lady, gazes at him and says, 'He is not mine either.'

After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says, 'He's not even a member of this golf club'.

 

[docw1]

The difference between women and men

A few days after Valentine's Day two pairs meet to chat. The males are in the living room and the females are in the kitchen.

Man A: how was your valentine's day?

Man B : Fabulous. I came home from work, had a great dinner, watched sports and had a few beers. After this, we went to bed, had quick sex and I slept till the morning.

Wife B answers a similar question: A horror day. I spent the whole day, cooking and preparing his favourite meal but he did not even say thanks. After sport on TV we went to bed, had quick sex and before I said something he was already snoring. How was yours?

Wife A: Splendid. We went to the most expensive restaurant in the town, then had a long walk. We lit many candles in the whole house and then went to bed. We had a very long for-play before the sex, just great.

Man A: a horror story which I will never forget. She reserved the most expensive restaurant. After the meal we found that my credit card didn't work so I had to pay with all my cash. We couldn't pay for a taxi, so we walk back only to find that the electricity company disconnected the supply because she forgot to pay the bills. Then we went to bed but I was so furious that I was incapable for several hours.

 

[Team2010]

 

[Fawlty]

Anybody interested in a ride in a helicopter? We need one person to accompany us. We leave early next Sunday morning from City of Chester and will fly over Chester and Flintshire , then fly to and have lunch at hawarden golf club, Then we’ll do a flight along the whole of the north wales coast, Up the Banks of the river Dee etc ,then fly back to City of Chester. If interested, please message! Preferably someone with a helicopter otherwise we can't go.

 

[RaYzerman]

 

[docw1]

A traveling salesman had just got off the train in a small town in the Midwest and was standing outside the drug store looking around the town. There was a little boy sitting on a bench next to him. The salesman struck up a conversation with one of the men playing checkers outside the store and asked if that was his little boy. The man said, “No, he’s just one of the kids from around here. But I tell you what, that kid is so stupid…watch this.” The guy reaches in his pocket and pulls out a nickel and a dime. “Hey, Johnny. Want some money? You can have one of these, but just one.” Johnny jumps up, looks in the man’s hand and takes the nickel and runs in the store. Everybody laughs. In a little while, the kid comes back out with an ice cream cone and sits back down on the bench. The salesman says, “You know, son, he offered to two coins and you took the larger one. But the smaller one is worth twice as much as the larger one.” The kid smiled and said, “Yes I know. But if I take the dime, they stop playing.”

 

[ibike2havefun]

My Daddy gave me a quarter once.
I traded it for two dimes because two is more than one.
Then I traded the two dimes for three nickels because three is more than two.
Then I traded the three nickels for four shiny pennies because four is more than three.

When I showed him how clever I had been he was so proud he couldn't say anything. His eyes just filled up with tears.

(That's a paraphrase of a short rhyme by Shel Silverstein...)

 

[Fawlty]

 

[ReSTored]

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. Throughout the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony

A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, nor do you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama

Moral:
Never underestimate your Mama, she is still smarter than you!

 

[Willsmotorcycle]

 

[Larry Fine]

Moral:
Never underestimate your Mama, she is still smarter than you!