A day of sadness and joy

bdalameda

bdalameda

PaleoCyclist
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Messages
1,991
Age
67
Location
Salinas, California
Bike
Africa Twin
My dad passed away late Thursday night. Completely expected as we were waiting and knew that the end was coming for a while now. He asked to be helped up to go to the restroom and he collapsed in my step mothers arms as we were helping him up - just that quick. So many mixed emotions. I became quite close to my dad in his elder years, earlier on in my life my dad was a hard drinker and created much havoc in my family, it effected me a lot. Later in life he understood and came to apologize for his behavior and quit drinking and we actually became very close. He led a remarkable life. He was ready to go for about a year now and talked often about finding some peace and was actually looking forward to his final rest as his health had deteriorated and he simply could not stand having people help take care of him. We had several long talks in the last couple of weeks and I came to understand a lot about him and how he came to be the person he was. All in all it was good for both of us. Today I needed to get out, so after making arrangements at the funeral home for my dad, I took a ride down to San Luis Obispo to visit my middle son, Ben. Ben was showing his vintage RD350 Cafe bike he built in a vintage bike show, so I decided to go and spend some time with him and take a ride to get some of the cobwebs out of my brain. We had a great day together and Ben decided to come home for a couple of days to see family, so he took his old GS850 Suzuki and he and I rode back home up Highway 1 to Monterey. The coast was beautiful warm and calm, not too many days each year like this. We had such a great ride and I truly cherish times like these I spend with my sons. I really thought a lot about my dad as we were riding back and I thought about how lucky I am that I have such good relationships with all three of my sons and how fantastic it is to share such a fine day and a fine ride with Ben. I was never able to share things like this with my dad and I wished we had such a relationship when I was younger. For just a moment I felt that, just maybe, part of my dads spirit was with me today and the love for my son, and that father son bond I have, kind of passed through me and I felt as if he understood. I felt a lot better after our ride today. I felt truly joyous riding with Ben and really felt so close to everything today. I felt so sad and at the same time so very happy about my life. Hard to describe actually. I read somewhere that it was impossible to truly feel joy in ones life until you have experienced real sadness, I think I understand now. It is within the contrast between the two that we can understand. As I rode past Hearst Castle and San Simeon, the ocean was so beautiful and the coastline panoramas with crystal clear air, took my breath away, and yes some tears flowed freely as I took all this in with just my son and I carving through the turns on our bikes. No better feeling in the world, I just felt totally one with everything. I shall remember this day for the rest of my life. Peace and Love to all.

Dan
 
Thanks Dan, for sharing this experience. You're a lucky man to have the family and relationships you just described. Best wishes to you and the family as you get through this, and like you said, you'll never forget this day. We should all be so fortunate in this time of life.
 
Dan,

First, please accept my sincere condelences on your Dad's passing. Thank you for posting this.

It sounds like you forgave your father for being less than perfect, and you recognized that he loved you and was ultimately a good man. I think our generation has has larger than life visions of our parents, but in the end we realize that they are not that different from us. They're just "regular" people that lived in extraordinary times and led amazing lives. They had their strengths and weaknesses, but ultimately they're just regular people like us. Such was the story of of my Dad.

It is wonderful and so approriate that you turned to your sons in your time of need. What a great day! Your sons likely cherish you as much as you cherished your father, but maybe they can't tell you about it yet. Someday they will. I'm sure that your Dad was with you and your son today as you spent quality time and remebered him.

How wonderful that a contraption like a motorcylce can be a conduit to bringing out emotions of love that we feel for our family. While you may not have been able to spend time riding with your Dad, you will often think about him as you ride in the future. Life is full of wonders, and when you are out enjoying nature and your ride he will be with you. Dedicate future rides to him. Riding seems to help me think, and I feel my Dad's presence often.

Think of him often and cherish the man the he was, and the sons that you now are a great father to. Your sons are looking up to you much like you looked up to your father.

Rick
 
Sorry about your loss Dan but good that you got to know him. Thoughts going out to you and your family.
 
Dan, please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. It's never easy to lose parent, even when life with them was sometimes difficult. My Dad was a hard drinker too, but I knew the incredible person he was despite it. I miss him all the time and feel him near sometimes.
I'm so glad you got to ride with your son and that it was such a healing experience for you. And yes, I'm sure your Dad's spirit was with you that day.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful post.

Patty
 
Dan, my condolences in you and your family's loss of your father. Your post illustrates the love and passion that you brought and the awareness of your/our lives being so precious. I particularly liked how you worded this...
bdalameda said:
I felt so sad and at the same time so very happy about my life. Hard to describe actually. I read somewhere that it was impossible to truly feel joy in ones life until you have experienced real sadness, I think I understand now. It is within the contrast between the two that we can understand.
Click to expand...


Prayers for the peace brought by your memories, and continued deepening relationships that will follow this life lesson. :pray1:
 
Condolences to you and your family for your loss. God graced you with the last year or so to re-connect with your dad. Many of us don't have that time. I lost my dad when I was 30 and til this day think about him often. Keep those memories fresh in your mind and pass along the love that comes from them to your own son.

Ride safe Dan.
 
I'm truly sorry about your loss Dan, it takes a good person to be able to reflect on the loss of a family member and truly be thankful for what we have....
 
Danny thank you for sharing your sadness and happiness with us. Life is a series of transitions. As long as there is a metaphysical balance to it all, then life is good. My condolences to you and your loved ones.
John
 
I'm sorry for your loss and am glad you got to know your father. Seems to me you took the best away from your time with him and have let it make YOU a better father.
 
Dan,

I sorry to hear of your loss. Sounds like you've got strong relationships with your family. That's the kind of strength that will help you through times like this.

John
 
Dan,

Your relationship with your dad mirrors the relationship I had with my dad.

My dad passed away in April and I still miss him.

It's not always easy being a parent but I honestly believe that our past relationship with our parents pushes us to have a better relationship with our children.

Peace be with your and your family.
 
Thank you so much for sharing the story of your father's life and passing. Thank you for sharing the beautiful day of riding with your son. I am moved to tears. As parents, if we are very perceptive, we can change the bad things of the past and teach our children a better way. In this way, we change the world, and this you have done.

My condolences to you and your family.

Abby
 
Dan, I am sorry for your loss. How wonderful for you and Ben to be able to enjoy some time together as you work through your feelings about your Dad.

Your glass is clearly half full, as was my Dad's. I am fortunate that he and I were always close...the best of friends...and when he died unexpectedly it was a crushing blow for me. I think about him daily and miss his place in my life, but as he always told the people he counseled at funerals, life goes on.

My best wishes to you and your family.
 
First and foremost please accept my condolences for your loss and at the same time, Thank you! Your words were so well written. To be that expressive at a time like that is difficult to do. I hope to have that kind of clarity when I need it most. Marty
 
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